Pretend that I'm a Spaceman
by xcloudx
Summary: Ponyboy has been through it all and has finally moved on with his life, but now he wakes up and his two friends are alive, is this another bad trip or is this how Fate is deciding to play out. Involves That Was Then This Now characters
1. Crash from Space

Pretend that I'm a Space man-

The Outsiders.

(AN: So this is the first chapter, I have a lot more and I wont post more unless people want to read it. I like reviews. Oh and I have the old version of Microsoft and sometimes the document gets fucked up when getting post on the site. Sorry for any mistakes I have no beta and I try the best I can.)

"Hey, what are ya doin son?"

I look around, everything is hazy. Colors of dark black and bright lights shade my vision.

"Son?" Someones voice drawls and I feel someone shake my shoulders.

Whats going on? Where am I?

I push the person near me away and stumble backwards suddenly afraid. Am I drunk, drugged, something? Oh my god my head hurts and I have no direction, my body feels smaller or some crazy shit. Am I trippen? No, I've been there and done that that's not like this. Maybe it's something else.

"Get away." My voice slurs and they probably didn't understand. "Get-get away!" I wave my hand trying to threaten these people.

"Come on Bill, we'll bring the load in late this kid doesn't need help."

"Yeah, fine." I see them walk away and the sound of cars suddenly making me alert.

I'm on a road? How did I get here? I see the men get in a big sixteen wheeler and pull back onto the road leaving me on the ground alone finally aware of my surroundings.

Shit. Shit. Fuck no!

I get up frantically looking around while pulling my hair; I shake in anger and desperation. I can't remember anything, where am I?! I kick the ground. "Auaah!" I clench my teeth together; I have never felt so helpless and angry like this since Johnny and Dally died.

I take a deep breath and try and calm down, maybe if I keep it cool I will be fine. I start walking in the direction I feel is right and for some reason I get the feeling that everything won't be fine.


	2. Stars Errupt

Pretend that I'm a Spaceman.

The Outsiders.

(AN:I own nothing, thanks for reading.)

_I realize quickly when I knew I should that_

_the whole worlds made up of this _

_brotherhood of man for, whatever that means_

I eventually get to a place I am familiar with which is five blocks from my house, it makes me wonder if I walked to my location in a drunken stupor or some asshole, probably Curly, decided to drop me off randomly. But I can't even picture him doing that.

I started to hang out with Bryon and Mark, they were two cool dudes I met while at a party with Two-Bit. Though Mark tried to get me into pills a couple times, I'm wondering if he spiked me or something because I started to like this chick Cathy, the girl his brother likes. I was hanging out with them tonight… or last night was it?

My mind goes blank after a couple minutes and I try and feel any type of addiction, am I craving anything? Not that I can feel of, though if I was it would take longer to figure it out wouldn't it? Great I'm talking to myself, nice. I roll my eyes. Like people are watching me.

Watching me…

I look around and dread that thought, the paranoia of getting jumped.

Flashes of that night pops into my head and I try to think of something else. Like taking precaution incase some Socs are watching and waiting to jump me. The Soc's and Greaser wars had started to die after a year or two with the Vietnam war going on, the hippy era started to kick in and some people started to find peace in their life. But people like Two-bit, Soda, Steve, Darry, and me, well we remember the time when being a Greaser was everything, but now things were changing and things that were is now long ago.

Cathy, what a doll. If Mark had drugged me and dumped me on the side of the road for hitting on her I wouldn't be surprised. I laugh to myself, I wouldn't mind either… but she would never be with me. I kick some gravel and finally see my house and I stare shocked.

The porch is fixed, that was quick. Just last night Steve and Two-bit decided to wrestle and they smashed into our railing and collapsed the whole side of the porch leaving bits of wood all over.

Darry through a fit and Soda was interrogated about where he was throughout the whole thing. Darry must have put them to work and made them fix it, though he must have been more harsh than I would have imagined for it to be fixed and to look just like it did before.

I trudge up the porch steps, fearing the yelling, it has been awhile since Darry threw a bitch fit over me since Dally and Johnny.

I take a deep breath, what day is it anyway? I think as I open the door quietly and find myself looking around and notice the whole gang in the living room. My main focus is the two figures in the room, one on the couch and the other talking to Darry who snaps his head in my direction but I can't pull my gaze off the two dead guys before me.

"Where the hell have you been?! We have searched for hours looking for you! Do you know what social services would have done if they came here and you were missing! What would I say! Are you listening to me?" Darry rants on and on and is eventually in my face and he comes up to me forcing me to revert my gaze from Dally and Johnny to him.

I feel sick, I don't know what kind of joke this is. What is going on? Is this possible? For some reason I start to chant my name. Like it would help. "I'm Ponyboy. I-I'm Ponyboy."

Darry drops me from his grasp and suddenly looks nervous or some jazz I'm not focusing on him or anyone. Just myself. I think I'm breaking down because I knew for sure that they were gone, dead, passed on, I wrote a fricken novel on what happened the two weeks that shit went down!

I feel a sting on the side of my face, was I smacked?

"Huh?" I look around.

The guys are staring at me something awful, I feel like I'm sweating to death and for some reason my lungs aren't working and my knees feel weak. Steve says something funny and it must not have been funny cause Dally smacks him. Johnny comes up to me and I stumble backwards and hit into Two-bit who holds me steady. I shake my head, this isn't happening.

"No! No, get away!" I yell and look around frantically, I feel de jevu and it's not pretty and I am really gonna be sick this isn't funny, my life has not been a lie. It hasn't!

"Pony! Ponyboy!" Soda pulls me into a hug and I see Johnny backing up, sadness in his eyes while Dally pats him on the back. This isn't real. Anger courses through me; whatever this is I am not dealing with it! I have dealt with their death, I got over it, I moved on, I just finished highschool and I finally turned eighteen without being taken away!

I shove Soda off of me and I growl something explicit.

"This is some sick joke." I'm not saying this to them, I'm saying it to whatever did this. "Why are you doing this to me, my life was in order! Order! What does this mean?" I yell and look around, at the ceiling and everything but the eyes of my friends.

"Kid are you on something?" Dally's voice pierces through everyone elses mumbles and I feel my heart break through my chest. His eyes break into my soul and tears it up and I run into my room.

Someone follows me and I grab my switchblade. Johnny and Dally are supposed to be dead, and if this is the night that me and Johnny get jumped then I am going to be prepared we aren't going to end up the way we were before. I flick open the blade, the last time I did that was years ago. Flipping open the blade suddenly felt wrong and vile but almost like opening a new chapter in a book.

"Whoa, Ponyboy, think this through. Who gave you what you are on?"

"Kid watchu trippen on?"

"Pony! Please, please we can go talk this out. We can go to the park and chill out like we normally do."

"No!" I flip back the blade and storm towards Johnny, someone pulls me back but my intentions must be clear, they must know.

"No one must leave tonight! Don't go to the park, you can't! You're dead! Why are you here? Why are you here!" I thrash against them and we crash into a table and a lamp gets busted on the floor. Everyone's shouting and Darry's voice booms throughout the house and the fight in me dies and I keep still on the floor. Everyone becomes silent.

"Pony," Soda holds me still on the floor and Two-bit is panting next to me while chuckling nervously.

I look up and Dally is holding Johnny behind him while eyeing me suspiciously while asking something to Johnny. Darry comes into my view.

"You all set buddy? You cool?"

"No." I choke. "I'm not, I don't know, I'm confused." I struggle against Soda's tight hold.

"Tell us Pony, I'm not letting you go until you tell us."

I view the pros and cons through my head, they would never believe me, hell I can't believe this! I went back in time, that's the only possible explanation, how else would this happen? If I told them they would send me to a nuthouse, probably try to always be sensitive around me like when Mom and Dad died. Does this mean I'm fourteen again?

I sigh, this is giving me a headache. I'll just say I took some pills, wait, Mark and Bryon are around here somewhere. I should find them. I think quickly to myself… and m&m, I remember when Bryon told me about him. Can I save him too along with Johnny and Dally? Did fate give me another chance, but if so is it truly possibly to avoid your destiny.

"Pony." I'm snapped back in and I see Soda staring at me, tears down his face.

Dally and Johnny nowhere in sight. Did I make it up, was I zoning out? I'm so tired.

"Where's Johnny and Dally?" I ask and try to get up but still Soda is holding me down.

He shakes his head and continues to cry. "They are outside, everyone decided I should stay with you so you calm down. What did you do tonight Pony?" He loosens his grip and I feel like I have let him down.

I remember a night I did some pills Mark gave me, I smile at that night. It was the best trip ever.

_"Hey, Pony. Want to let go for once in your god awful life?" Mark says with a shit eating grin._

_I roll my eyes and take a sip of my beer, he is always trying to get me into something, not that I can blame him, that's his income. _

"_Fine." I say, my rebellious side leaking out after a couple beers. Its funny what alcohol makes you feel like you can do and get away with. _

_We head over to his friends house, people smoking and tripping on stuff all over the damn house and I start to get a little more confident. I know about m&m and what happened, how he ran away and how he is here but I don't think of that. I ran away too and I know the consequences. People have to learn on their own. _

_Mark brings me into a room and puts two pills into my hand, they look pink and I'm wondering just how fucked up I will get, if Darry will get worried again. _

"_First time is free, m&m over there is doing some right now."_

_M&m looks over at me and smiles a little looking nervous, a skinny guy with long hair and a weird shirt down to his knees with no pants hands something to M&m too who takes it and stares like I just did._

"_So, what is this?" I ask and Mark looks back to me and smiles. "Acid."_

_I take the two pills and sigh, I'm asking for trouble. Two pills, two deaths, two brothers… everything in pair my mind suddenly becomes numb and I feel the need to do something crazy for once. _

_I look over at the other kid who looks like he already took his, his little frame of a body and black eyes and hair reminds me of Johnny and with that thought I take the pills and swallow them. _

_It took twenty minutes or something before I started to feel the light in the room shake and the walls start to spin, the vivid texture of the wallpaper stands out and m&m starts laughing about something. I look at the floor and some of the cracks get bigger, I swear the floor is trying to eat me. I hear some music from down below and the air becomes thick with the voices, words start to appear in the air and the design on the guys shirt who is still in the room punches me in the face. I fall to the floor and I crawl around avoiding the words that comes from the downstairs. The music is changing and the walls start to shade into different colors. I'm moving but I feel so slow I can't feel my feet. I look down at my shoes and they are talking to me, their words too come out of thin air. Their voices sound thin and whispery and I can taste cherry when I put my tongue onto the wall. _

_I come down about seven hours later, my body weird and tired but my mind really out of sorts. It wasn't bad, I don't know if I will do it again soon but I definitely don't regret it, though I will never tell my brothers. _

After a quick bout of nostalgia I feel like fate brought me back just so I would have to tell my brothers what I did. Or maybe I'm still tripping, for some reason I wouldn't be surprised. I laugh and Soda's cry out alerts me.

By the look of his face he doesn't find anything funny.

"Uhm… I swear I didn't take anything Soda." I try again but he doesn't buy it.

"You listen here Ponyboy, you were flipping out like some raccoon in an oil can on fire! I will not have you lie to me, I know when you are lying. And when you flipped out, you didn't see yourself. I, never, I have never been so scared for your sanity Ponyboy, I need to know, I need you to talk to me. What is all this about? Please, if you didn't take anything, fine, just tell me what went wrong, where you were for the past hours, what made you flip. Why did you attack Johnn-"

I didn't let him finish, I couldn't. "Acid." I say firmly and he stops, shock sweeps his face and his eyes shut and he gets up off of me.

He covers his face with his hands and turns his back to me. I'm stunned and I slowly get up and I put a hand on his shoulder. "Soda?" My voice trembles. He's mad… he's not upset.

"Please talk to me, Soda."

He shrugs off my hand and turns around and glares at me before storming out of the room and outside where I suddenly hear everyone asking.

I numbly walk over to the open door and then walk slowly outside, Darry comes up to me and smacks me across the face. I feel like fate threw that my way, almost telling me to run away like I did last time. Almost as if fate is saying 'go ahead, run from your problem again and we will see what happens' and fate smiles with its black venom teeth and red lips.

I hear Soda gasp and start to yell at Darry just like last time but all I can do is laugh, obviously I am not tripping on acid which they don't know about and I just passed the first test. I didn't run. Johnny didn't stab anyone. Dally is alive and didn't commit suicide. I can make a better impression on Cathy. All I can think of is the good in this, suddenly my chest feels lighter but I can feel the darkness of fate lurking in the corner. I let out a chuckle.

Why would fate bring me back just to screw me over again?

"Come on Johnny, we're leaving." I hear Dally say while Darry is still frozen from slapping me.

"No!" I run over to Dally and grab his shirt, something I never would have dared to do while I was fourteen but I'm not fourteen, I'm seventeen, close to their age.

Dally looks at me shocked then narrows his eyes. "I swear to god kid I will punch your lights out if you don't let me go right now."

I hold tight while I glare right back not feeling nervous at all. "You can't and won't leave." I shake my head avoiding the thoughts of what will happen if they run into those Socs.

Johnny pushes me back from Dally. "He don't mean it Dal. Pony, just go inside and rest, we'll be back tomorrow."

"I'm not going to ruin this again!" I pull Johnny into a hug and I can't even believe he is in my arms. My brother is really here with me. "I know you think I'm high but I'm not anymore, right now. I'm calm I swear I won't do it again! Please don't leave me, not tonight."

"Fine, you can stay here Johnny but I'm leaving, you don't go to your house tonight you hear me kid?" Dally says to Johnny while walking away shoving his hands in his pockets.

Darry comes over and puts his hands on my shoulders. "I'm sorry for smacking you Pone." He whispers, Steve and Two-bit try to calm Soda down while Soda is in my way again.

I push them out of my way and I hear Steve say something ridiculous and Two-bit joking around with the scenerio as I run. Figures. I see Dally turn his head at me while continuing to walk, and I can't stand the thought of what will happen if I lose sight of him in the next couple hours. So I run to Dally, whose face now holds shock, and tackle him with all my strength and take him down onto the ground.

"Jesus Fuck Ponyboy!" He throws me off and looks ready to punch me and so I use that time to kick his shin hard. That sets him off and he tackles me and holds my hands down, my wrists feel ready to break.

"Don't leave Dally. You can't, please, don't leave tonight!" I beg. "I will fight you, I will do whatever it takes to make you stay." I struggle and kick my legs; he gets up and looks down at me with a funny expression. Soda runs over, everyone else following suet, all of them looking ready to stop a bull or something.

"You guys fine?" Two-bit asks while helping me up.

"We're staying here tonight Johnny." Dally says with finality.

Darry takes a deep breath. "Okay, how about you all just stay the night." He puts his arm around my shoulder and we all walk, tired and weary, back to the house and shill in the living room.

_I wake in the morning and I step outside_

_and I take a deep breath and I get real high_

_and I scream at the top of my lungs _

"_Whats going on?"_

(Please review it means a lot. Even if it is just to tell me I suck. Thanks!)


	3. Time is Backwards

**Pretend that I'm a Spaceman**

The Outsiders

(AN: **Thanks for the reviews**, and it will help if you have **read 'That was then This is now'**. Disclaimer: I own nothing except my 1997 Ford Tempo)

_I remember living in a different life_

That night I was in my room, Soda and Darry talking about my acid usage in the other room when Dally comes into my room and closes the door. He stares at me and for a split second I think he is going to get back at me for my stunt earlier. His blond hair falling into his face and he swipes it away and takes a deep breath, his flannel tight shirt ripped in some places, his jeans greased and stained.

"I know." He says, which I was least expecting.

"What do you know?"

"I died." He voice is a little high. "After you pleaded for me to stay, I don't know… It came in a quick flash. I remember getting shot by police, I remember seeing and feeling like I was dying. I remember the agony after Johnny died and he's not even dead! I remember…I remember the church fire where you and Johnny saved those kids. I know for a fact though that that church is still there, it's not gone." His voice shakes and he closes his eyes, almost like he is reliving the sensation, the despair.

He looks at me and I know he's waiting for me to confirm.

"Do you blame me?"

"For what?" He snaps his face crossing between disgust and fear. "What happened?"

I nod and he runs his hand through his hair and turns away, not looking at me. For that instant I feel like it's true, and why wouldn't it be? If I had to decide to go into that church and know that I would lose my best friend in the process for those kids I wouldn't have even thought about going in. I would say "screw it, those kids were destined to die."

"Some part of me was angry at how much you cared but I didn't blame ya kid. So… how far did you get in life before you ended up here."

I sigh and sit down and he turns and looks down at me.

"Two long years." I laugh with no humor. "I made it far Dal. I really did! And now I have to do it all over again. If I lose you again I don't think I will handle that well." I swallow the lump in my throat, Dally nods like he understands, which he does. He has been in the cooler and done some pretty harsh things while in the city... he must know something. I'm not going to question that.

"So, you flipping out wasn't because of acid." He questions and I nod, I feel bad he almost looks proud that I didn't, and that's something I never saw before on Dally so I decide to get it out in the open before he feels that for too long.

"I have tried it. It was great and nothing like what I experienced tonight. But that's long gone now, I don't know where to start. I wonder if Johnny will remember."

Dally remains quiet and leans against the wall. "Why?"

"Why what?"

He rolls his eyes and huffs. "Why did you try acid, don't you know that shit is bad! You could have died or had a bad trip. We always told you and Johnny to stay away from shit like that! What were ya thinking?" He stares and takes a step toward me.

I stand up holding my ground. "Don't you lecture to me." I say menacingly. " I feel like I'm in a bad trip right now and I did acid way after you two died and when it was hip and everyone was doing it and I was trying to relax for once in my life! Have fun, ya know? Oh no, you don't know do ya!? I am not fourteen years old , okay? I went through the death of not only my two parents but my two friends too, highschool which seemed virtually impossible to get through without Darry asking for better grades, shit with the social workers and jobs and hell and fucking everything and now I am back at stage one! I know what acid does and I will do it again as soon as all this is over."

I fold my arms and start to walk away and suddenly I'm shoved against the wall. "Don't you say that, you won't be doing acid while me and Johnny are alive ya hear me kid! You stay away from that shit it fucks you up! You are a smart kid; you really want to throw all that away for a good moment? Stick to beer, maybe even pot if you are that desperate but acid is intense and can damage ya for life. I can't have you lose your mind over acid when you are all I have to talk to about this!" He sighs and lets me go. "And what do we do? What does this mean? Was I put back on earth or something to fix my mistakes?" Dally asks.

He looks like a scared puppy and I feel bad for him and me. It kills me to see tough ass Dally to look so shaken, it makes me think bad things. And what is a person to do in this situation? I mean of course Dal will be scared like the next guy, he died for Christ sake and remembers it.

"We go day by day, be cautious, and try not to die." I say with some confidence even though what I just said sounded like total bullshit from a movie. "We have to make it through this. I'm just glad I'm not alone." I look at him and he looks at me, probably thinks I'm goofy.

"Ponyboy, the thoughts that were runnin through my head when you were speakin jibberish that night… I thought you lost it. I couldn't even imagine what thoughts were running through Darry and Soda's minds when you started to flip out. I was prepared to knock you out if you were to touch Johnny and I was so angry with you to come in late and so out of it man. And now, I never felt this bad for someone before. For us. " He says then as what looked to be an afterthought for him he says. "We have to figure out why we are back in this position, I got this bad feeling… you know that feeling we had with the church?"

I never brought it up but I did feel like something foul planted itself into my throat when I saw that church burning, and everyone desperately searching for the children. It was a miserable day that won't erase from my mind, and now, it hadn't even happened.

I nod and we head on out and try to act cool even though on the inside of both of us, we are freakin out.

_Oh my god to I pray, I pray every single day, for a revolution!_

(An: Hope this is getting better for you all, I know this chapter wasn't much. Please tell me what you think, if not **thanks for reading** anyway.)


	4. Air Expands

**Pretend That I Am A Spaceman**

**The Outsiders**

(AN: I own nothing, please leave a note on what you think,** if you add something you want to see happen in this story I will try and add it**.)

_You raise the blade, you make the change  
You re-arrange me 'till I'm sane_

They didn't know how it happened, how suddenly Dally and me became close buddies but it shocked even me how Dally changed. Dally started to talk to me like a different person, he wasn't the cold person he led me to believe he was. The fact that he came back from the dead scared him and I think that influenced his change, and the fact that I came back from two years in the future probably helped that along as well; he kept asking questions about music and all the things I did. He suddenly felt like a brother and with that I stopped telling him my drug experiences afraid he would take that away from me later.

Soda and the other guys were questioning the change in us but decided to mind their own business; Darry grounded me for my 'acid trip' by not letting me to go out and do things like movies, Soda is still upset. Since its summer I'm always home, cleaning, cooking, reading. Dally is almost always over with Johnny. Johnny seems suspicious of our behavior as well but doesn't question it at all, but drops some hints our way to let us know he knows something is up. I feel bad but some part of me feels responsible for what happened the night Johnny killed that Soc, it should have been me who murdered not Johnny. What if I get close to him and I get us into something else? I just have to keep straight and focused so nothing else happens.

I get up in the middle of the night a dream that had Bryon and Mark in it joking and partying like how we were before I left. It has me craving their sense of humor; they have become close friends with me even though Curly hates Mark and I'm friends with Curly. I know where they hang out and where they live and I need to see them again, make sure they are fine. Soda is softly snoring and I creep out of the room and see Johnny on our sofa softly whimpering. He's asleep though, I can tell.

"Where you going?" I freeze and know it's Soda.

"You're up." I say matter-of-factly.

"I have learned to wake up whenever you make a noise." He whispers softly and I know he is talking about the nightmares.

I turn around and try to play it cool. "I was just going to get some water so..."

"Don't lie to me." He gets out of bed, still half asleep. "Come back to bed." He whispers.

I sigh and go back into bed and he puts his arm around me. "Please Ponyboy, I know I'm not a good brother and I aint around so much anymore but…" He trails off.

I stare at him, my heart aching. "You are the best brother ever Sodapop." I get up and turn on the light to see his face. I didn't want fate to give me my two friends back but take away someone else in return.

"You are always there for me, I'm just going through changes and I like this girl." I say what comes to mind. Cathy. Bringing up a girl is the easiest way to explain my weirdness to Soda and it will probably calm him down. Soda smiles and his eyes brighten and he sits up as well.

"A girl? What's her name? You never mentioned a girl!" He laughs looking relieved, I feel horrible lying to him. Not that Cathy is a lie but…

"Her name is Cathy. I was gonna sneak out to go see her." Not exactly a lie, I mean m&m is her brother and m&m hangs out with Bryon and Mark.

"Why didn't you tell me this earlier Pony?"

I shrug and wish I was young and immature to blush so he would believe me. "I didn't want you to know…" I mumble and feel like a bad actor.

Soda doesn't catch on and playfully smacks my arm. "Well golly Pony, this would have saved me a bunch of worries!" He chuckles and I laugh along with him. "Go back to bed, I'll try and take you out to see her or we will work something out, okay?" He promises then yawns.

I nod and turn off the light still sitting up with my head in my hands.

"So, do you love her?" The question is like a bullet in my mind.

I asked him that before, from my 'dimension'.

"Pony?" He shakes my arm while laughing. "You must really love her to get that dazed face."

"Yeh." I mumble then lay down, my back towards him. "But she likes someone else at the moment. I don't know, how's Sandy?"

I feel bad, who knew Sandy would just ditch Soda like that, maybe I can fix that. Maybe it was my fault that Sandy broke up with him because he didn't hang out with her enough cause he was too busy babysitting me.

"She's good. I think I'm gonna marry her." I turn around and face him, his hair all over and his white teeth shining from the moon coming into the room. I can barely see his eyes, I think they are closed.

"You know you don't have to watch out for me twenty-four seven Sodapop, I can take care of myself. You should go spend more time with Sandy, ya know?" I say as nice as I can and he looks at me funny.

"Ponyboy, I will always watch-out for you, and I hang out with Sandy." He frowns and stares at the ceiling, or perhaps he is staring at something else, something that's in his mind. "She is the one who doesn't always seem interested, sometimes I wonder if I did something wrong. I'm hoping that if I ask her to marry me she will… golly I don't know Pony, maybe she will take me more seriously. I'm always happy around her, I'm thinking she likes guys who are tough and cold like Dally. I don't think I could pull Dally's style, do you?" He jokes around but it just masks his pain.

"No, not at all." I say, and think, 'It would just get you killed.'

_And throw away the key  
There's someone in my head but it's not me_

**(AN: Thanks for reading! I like reviews, wink wink. I will also try and make the chapters longer as soon as I get the time.)**


	5. Worlds Collide

**Pretend That I'm a Spaceman**

**The Outsiders.**

**(AN: I feel somewhat upset, people keep viewing my story but no one is reviewing. Oh well. Story of my life, and I don't mean this one. Thanks for reading.)**

_Times have changed and times are strange_

_Here I come, but I ain't the same_

"Hey, we should go see a movie." Two-bit slaps me on the back and wriggles the book I have out of my hands.

I look up from my position, Darry could hear from the other room that's for sure. "What movie?" I ask knowing I probably already saw it.

"Bonnie and Clyde," Two-bit flips through my book.

"It's not that good, I don't want to see it again." I sigh while mumbling, and Soda and Steve walk in, Two-bit gives me a weird look. I wonder if Darry would let me go out to see a movie, he would have intervened if he hated the idea so my chances must be good.

Two-bit gives Steve a fist smack all the while staring at me. "How do you know it's bad? It just came out."

I clamp my mouth shut, I keep forgetting that I'm from the future, which makes me wonder if this is possible is superman real? What other fucked up things are there? This experience certainly opens doors I never thought of.

"What's bad?" Steve asks while flopping down to the couch.

"Bonnie and Clyde, this kid already saw it." Two-bit says and throws the book back at me.

"Well good, now the kid won't tag along with us. Besides we want to bring the girls right Soda?"

I don't even bother to tell him to shut up, over the past two years we finally gotten over the ordeal of being a tag-a-long. Now it's back to square one with us as well, which is a shame but I'm already over our spats, it's his turn to grow up.

Soda runs his hand through his hair. "Sandy, she didn't seem interested in it either… I asked and she said she is gonna have a long weekend. Is that a no? I can't figure girls out, one minute they want all the attention, the next they want you away." He says going into the kitchen and getting a beer then coming back out and sitting on the couch.

"Maybe she just needs time Sodapop, she could just be having a bad day." Darry says coming out of the kitchen, wiping his hands on a towel. "Dinners ready."

Soda gets up and pulls me up with him. "I think you should go see it, even if you think it is bad. Maybe take a certain someone?" He winks as we all sit at the kitchen table, Two-bit down my throat while Darry looks at me with a weird look.

"Who? Who!" Two-bit asks and I tell him her name.

"She go to our school?"

"He prolly found'er while hitting acid." Steve laughs while shoveling in a fork full of potatoes, Darry glares at Steve while Soda hits Steves arm.

"She doesn't go to our school." I ignore Steve all together, which leaves him frustrated; I start to pick at the chicken feeling ready to change the subject.

"I smell a home cooked meal." Dally says walking into the kitchen, I didn't even hear the front door open. "Hey kid." He grunts toward me, Johnny following behind him looking sick and with a bloody nose.

"What happened?" I jump up. "Was it Socs?" Something in me starts to crumble.

"Yeh." Johnny mumbles and I let him sit in my chair.

"Where was it? Are they still there?" This isn't happening. "Who was it?" My hand in my pocket clenching my switchblade, my mind starts to fade into black dark thoughts. "How many!"

Darry gets up. "Don't you even think of it Ponyboy!"

Dally looks over at me and he glares. "You are not going to start a rumble Pony!"

Darry and Dally look at each other, Steve lets out a laugh.

"And why not? They can't do this! I won't have it! I'm tired of Johnny getting the shorter end of the stick!"

Two-bit laughs. "Kid wants to start a rumble and Dally doesn't, anyone else confused?"

"Pony, so help me god if you run out and go get into trouble. You want to be sent away to a home?" Darry asks staring me down, I have been through so much that the idea of a home doesn't scare me, I can run away from a home, I can find ways to free myself from those places. Losing Dally and Johnny again is what I'm afraid of, I can't escape that.

"We can deal with that when the time comes Darry. Right now these Socs are taking things too far, considering how they end up-they end up…" I stumble and I stop from leaking future information and try to cover myself, I feel like the anger is starting to blind my eyes. Was this how Dally felt when he finally snapped? "I'm tired of them fucking us around! I've had enough! You get tough nothing can hurt ya, right Dally?" I say asking him for him to agree with me, to be on my side.

"Pony, I'm fine, he hit me once and Dally came, you can't go killing someone just because-" Johnny mumbles, taken back by my attitude.

"Yes you can! You can kill someone! It's easy, you just thrust a blade in them and they die and you know what? Those Socs deserve it! You don't deserve this Johnny, even if it is one punch! Hell I'm surprised we haven't all ganged up on your scumbag father and kicked his ass for all the torment he puts you through!"

"Enough talking like you are a psychopath, you don't know what it's like to kill and you couldn't if you tried. You are such a soft little priss! And what do you expect us to do? You want us to go to his father, kick his ass then all go to jail? Is that what you want? We aren't a bunch of nimrods kid! Life is tough and you have to suck some shit up." Steve glares.

I shoot a dirty look. "Why don't you go home to daddy Steve! Life is too short to suck some of the bad stuff up. But we all know you suck up to your father Steve, even though he clearly hates you!"

Steve moves to kill me and Dally and Darry hold him back while Soda grabs hold of my shoulder.

"Steve! Pony! Ponyboy, you can't go thinking that, it's not good. You want to go to jail or something? It's not a joyride, ask Dal!" Soda says.

Darry shakes his head. "I don't know where you get this attitude or language from Ponyboy but it has got to stop. Johnny is fine and you are staying put tonight until you calm down."

Steve pulls himself from Dally and Darry's grasp and storms out of the house slamming the door shut.

"But Darry!" Soda whines suddenly remembering the movie date for me.

"No buts Soda!"

Soda gives me a sorry look then runs out of the house after Steve.

Two-bit, sighs looking weary, which is unusual most of the time, sits back down and starts to eat. "This is really good Dar." He tries to cheer Darry up and Darry smiles knowing the attempt was better than nothing then looks at me expecting me to say something but I keep quiet.

"Thanks, though now it's cold." He sits back down and starts to eat; I look at him too and feel guilty. He went through all the work to make dinner and no one really enjoyed it like Darry wanted.

I frown and look over at Dally who is looking at Johnny's nose. "You'll be okay kid." I hear him mumble and Johnny looks at him with a sparkle in his eyes, like Dally is his hero. And Dally was Johnny's hero, back in the barn…

I want to be Johnny's hero too. Maybe one day I will save him like he did for me those years ago. I can still here his crackling pained voice telling me to 'Stay Gold' but I just want to say 'But Johnny, nothing Gold can stay.'

That night, while Soda, Steve and Two-bit are at the movies, Dally, Johnny and I are sitting on the porch and Darry is at work. I look at Johnny to find him staring at me.

"What?" I ask, maybe more sharp than I wanted.

"You've changed Pony, what happened?"

I look at Dally who is staring at Johnny. "Nothing happened Johnnycakes, I'm fine." I sigh and take another inhale of my cigarette.

"No, you're not Pony." Johnny looks agitated.

"Don't tell me what I am Johnny, I promise you I'm alright and you just have to believe me. But…" I start not really wanting to finish my sentence but wanting to start so he knows there is more.

Dally gets up, "I gotta go see Tim." He takes out a cigarette and lights it, not looking at me. The sooner Dally and Johnny leaves the sooner I can sneak out. I smirk. "See ya later then Dally, Johnny."

Dally shakes his head, "Johnny is staying with you kid, I ain't bringing him to Tims tonight."

"This is what I'm talking about!" Johnny stands up and looks between us. "Dally you never talked this way with Pony before, and Pony you talk like you've grown a pair or something! What's going on?" He exclaims looking stressed, you don't see it often when Johnny raises his voice.

I feel bad, his dark eyes, disheveled hair, reminds me of m&m and look how he turned out… well look how Johnny turned out the first time. Fate must have a thing about innocent kids. Dally was right when he said when you get hard nothing can touch you, not even fate.

"Nothing Johnny." I whisper softly to calm him down.

"Don't give me that Pone! I know you!" He points and glares. "Why you keeping secrets from me, I thought we were pals."

I shake my head, he was taking everything wrong and I look to Dally for help only he is looking about as lost as I am.

"We came to terms with things Johnny." Dally says and I make a warning sound, Johnny looks at me.

"Well what terms? You can tell me! Is this about the acid?" He asks desperately.

Dally shifts on his feet and avoid eye contact. "We will tell you when the time comes kid, I promise. Not tonight, but another time okay? Tim has some work for me for tonight. Nothing dangerous just some simple shit that I can handle. Okay?"

"Yeh Johnny, we aint leavin ya out." I take another drag of my cig.

Johnny nods and we mumble goodbyes to Dally and head inside, it's getting late.

I hated to do it but as soon as Johnny was asleep, Sodapop still out with the guys and Darry still out at work, I decided now was the time to sneak out and well I take every chance I get. I crawl out my bedroom window and land to the ground with a thud and hold still for a moment to make sure Johnny hadn't heard me. After a second I continue and hurry off to Mark and Bryons house, it will be weird to know someone but them not know you, this time I will make a better first impression on them and Cathy. I smirk, this is great, I feel so exhilarated.

Their house is about six to seven miles from my house, so I take some quick short cuts and try and keep out of the street lights. I walk by Bucks, which is radiating with lights and drunk people, and wonder if Dally is inside, should I go tell him what I'm doing incase something happens? I continue to walk into the night and don't bother stopping, I can take care of myself, I have been for two years now.

It must be around midnight now and I see their house in the distance, I smile at my memory, I didn't come to their house often in fact I only came to their house once and that was after Mark got torn up after a fight, it was brutal and it wasn't even against Socs or anything.

"Hey kid!" I turn and stare into dark eyes.

"Mark." I say relieved.

The kid squints his eyes at me. "Do I know ya?"

"No, I'm Ponyboy, where's Bryon?" I look around.

'Whats'it to ya? How do you know us." I sigh; I have been expecting this because that's just how Mark is.

"Oh, we met at a party a while back."

"You a Soc or something?" He starts walking away from me, and back to his house.

I walk along with him. "Do I look like a Soc?"

Mark stops and looks me up and down. "So Ponyboy, family a bunch of hippies? I know a chick called Flower or something, total tripper." He asks.

I shake my head. "Nah I'm not that deep."

He laughs again. "That's what they say at first…"

I really don't know what else to say, I didn't think this would be so awkward. He starts to talk again. "Yeh, you seem familiar I guess." I nod and smile… if only he knew.

"So what are you doing right now? I just got back from a deal."

" I wanted to find you, I uh remembered you from a while back and wanted to get something if you know what I mean." I lower my voice and we sit down on his front steps.

He nods, "Yeh what are ya looking for?"

"Acid." I pull out five dollars and he smiles, and pulls some pills out of his pocket in a clear bag and takes two out.

"Here," We exchange. "That will give ya crazy vibes, a couple hippies did it a week ago and they were well out of their space."

I don't know what he means by that but I got the idea. I sigh and put the pills in my pants and sigh and take out cigarettes and offer Mark one. He smiles and take one and we sit in the dark, smoking and start ranting on about Socs and parties and fun shit. Suddenly we were friends again, and it happened so fast that I don't think Mark will give me a bat of an eye.

After a good hour or two I finally decide to head home.

"Pony where the hell have you been!" Two-bit jogs up to me as I'm walking up the street to my house.

"Your brothers are going crazy! Johnny woke up alone and started to freak out thought someone kidnapped you because he thought that you would have said something!"

Darry storms out of the house with fury and determination but when he notices me he stops, then like a tired old man he turns around and goes back inside. Soda comes out after him and looks confused when Darry goes back inside but then notices me as well and goes back inside too. Like all they need to know is that I am safe. I wish they would just yell at me.

I sigh and feel like running off, the look of disappointment on their faces are harsh and I hate feeling guilty.

_Mama I'm coming home_

**(AN: I hate asking readers to review because if my story is one that you like you would review anyway. I'm not asking you to review, but I'm asking you to THINK about reviewing. I mean, how are we writers supposed to write if we don't have an audience?)**


	6. Rocket Man

Pretend That I'm a Spaceman

The Outsiders.

(an: Sorry for the wait. Please Review.)

Zero Hours Nine A.M

And I'm Gonna be High as a Kite by Then

It is cold out; the weather is starting to become bitter along with my attitude. Even now with everyone seemingly fine I can feel it in my bones that something bad is going to happen. School is over for vacation and everyone is trying to make the most of it, especially Two-bit and me.

Johnny comes stumbling in from outside shivering and sporting a black eye. I get up from Darry's seat and look at his black eye, he glares at me and turns away.

"Your father?"

He shakes his head while walking away but I know he's lying.

"It was, wasn't it? Tell me!"

"Why? What are you gonna do Pony?"

I laugh and go into my room grabbing my old baseball bat I used to play around with before my parents died.

I look at Johnny whose looking at the stick in my hand and I smirk at the realization in his eyes and I walk out of the house slamming the door behind me while he stutters his pleas for me to stop.

The leaves crunch under my feet. My breath turns invisible as I shutter against the cold.

His house is just across the street and I am going to do what I should have done a long long time ago. I hear my front door slam behind me, suddenly Johnny is behind me trying to pull me back but I shrug him off and eventually push him.

"Stop it Johnny."

The cold air bites our skin, but the sad defeated look in Johnny's dark brown eyes, his discolored skin, his tousled hair, and the permanent frown and crease in his forehead that is only seen on people with a heavy burden.

"Just stop Johnny, I know what goes on in your house. It is not right."

"You will go to jail. Your life will be ruined."

"And your life isn't ruined?"

Johnny tries to take the baseball bat from the hands but I jerk it from his grasp, he knows I'm serious and I continue to walk to his house. He stares at me while shaking his head, he doesn't know what to make of my attitude, hell even I don't.

The door is open, like always. I look around and see the man that has tormented Johnnycakes for years get up from the couch and glare at me.

"What are you doing here?" He looks at me then glares at Johnny who stumbles in behind me.

"Boy I told you not to bring your low life scum over to the house," he glares back to me "you go back to your own house boy, you have no business here."

"Actually I do." I state and look down at my bat as if inspecting it. "You see you've been doing things that isn't humane for any parent to do to their child. I don't like it. I want you to stop." I take the bat and smash the nearby lamp with force that sends the lamp smashing, pieces go flying.

The room is dead quiet except for Johnny's heavy breathing behind me.

"P-pony."

The beast stares at me in shock and he bends down reaching for what looks to be a shotgun underneath the coach,

"Pony," Johnny whispers again with a desperate plea. "Pony!" He yells with more emotion, I feel him pulling me toward the door but I continue to smile.

With my courage I take the bat and run up to the man and swing with all I have, he flinches and takes a step back, his eyes full of fear and anger, I miss.

He takes my miss as an opportunity and immedietly points the shotgun at me and fires.

But I'm well prepared and quickly dodge the shot and smash into the wall, a frame knocks off the wall and smashes to the floor.

I hear Johnny whimpering but I don't turn around, I just pray that he wasn't shot.

I tighten my hold on the bat and swing as fast as I can at the gun and knock it out of the mans hands. For some reason he chose not to fire again, and he did have the chance too. Maybe he didn't want to kill a child, maybe he didn't want to have that on his hands, but I do. I want to murder this bastard and be proud to admit it.

I swing again, this time getting his nose. A thick crack and he starts to scream, dropping his weapon to hold his broken nose. His teary red eyes glare at me while I glare at him with a smirk covering my face.

I take a stance my father taught me while I was practicing baseball and roll my shoulders. Johnny's father blinks and backs up, mumbling something, empty threats I'm sure but I can't hear it as I can only hear Johnny whispering 'no' over and over. I throw everything into my swing aiming at his fathers face, and I hit a homerun. Another sickening crack, if I wasn't so happy with myself I would have cringed.

A dull thud sounds as his lifeless body makes contact with the floor.

Blood splatters cover the wall.

I look around and notice that blood hit places I didn't even know it could reach. I must have cracked his skull because a river flows from the body and creeps out to my shoes. The atmosphere in the room is nothing I have ever felt and the smell is something I am sure I will always remember. It didn't smell as much as metallic and death as it did victory. I realize I am still smiling and I turn around to see if Johnny is okay.

I feel so giddy and strangely numb and comfortable… but I have never seen him shake so bad, did I do this? I did didn't I? He looks at me, his mouth open and before I know it he's on his knees throwing up what he had before he came to my house, which wasn't much. He barely threw up a fry; it was mostly dry heaving which I find to be much worse.

"He's…" Johnny's struggling voice, the reality not really kicking in with Johnny. "…is this real? I want to wake up! Someone! Help him! Help me!" Johnny starts to scream, his eyes wide and with tears. The sight will always be in my mind.

I'm in shock. I shake myself out of it, its all coming back, the hatred, this man needed to die. I turn around and pull Johnny out of the house. I'm still carrying the bloody bat and I vaguely hear Johnny's rant about 'the body' 'what are we gonna do' 'I can't believe' 'pony' 'murdered' more and more nonsense was spilling out of Johnny's mouth.

"Shut up Johnny."

We get inside, I lock the doors, paranoia sinking in and I wonder if this is how Mark felt. I look over at Johnny who is quietly staring at me, he sits on the floor and starts to pick at the carpet.

"Are you alright?" Johnny asks ringing his hands together. Am I alright? Is he alright? His father isn't alright, that's for sure. I nearly laugh. He notices my smile and Johnny chokes back a sob.

I get on the floor in front of Johnny "I did what I had to do." I say, but Johnny simply shakes his head, his head shielded by his hands.

"I would have moved out in a year or two." His voice is thick with emotion.

I seethe in frustration. "He would have killed you in a year or two."

"I wouldn't have let him." Denial. The kid is in denial. Denial…. Am I in denial?

"You let him give you those bruises." I retort.

Johnny stands up and glares down at my, his fists at his side. "He wouldn't have gone that far, he was still my father!"

"He wasn't a father! He was a cruel heartless animal nothing else! No father should hit his son like that!"

"I didn't like him Pony, but now you've caused this mess. You're going to prison for this if you're caught. I have to live with that."

"I'm smart I'll figure out a way to get rid of the body." I start to think and I look back at Johnny who is staring at me with utter disbelief.

"You're serious? You seriously think the cops won't get you Pony!?" He looks devastated "I should have stopped you!" He puts his hands through his hair and he starts to sob. What's his problem?

"Get ahold of yourself Johnnycakes. I killed him not you. The bastard deserved it and personally I'm not worried."

"That's what scares me. You don't care, you think you can get away with this. I don't want to lose you. I…I didn't want him to die!"

"Its not like I'm dying Johnny! Get a grip will ya!? And he deserved to die." I yell and throw down the baseball bat and go into the kitchen and go into one of the cabinets. I pull out the bleach and get acouple scrubs.

"Don't you get it Pony? He won! You killed him and he died thinking he was right! He was my father, he was an asshole and abusive. But…but I didn't want… I never wanted for you or anyone to sink to his level! He made you sink to his level! No worse! He made you sink much lower than him! He won!"

I get up and feel the glory of what I just did fade, Johnny is right. What did I do? I'm not any better than that bastard. He deserved it though… but it should have been Karma to take care of it. There were many of ways to protect Johnny without killing his horrible father. But I already did it, I can't go back.

I can't go back. But I did, I went back, I am back. I'm a time traveler. Am I insane?

"I can't believe you killed him." He mumbles and I growl and stomp up to him and pull his sleeves up, bruises covering most of his arm.

"This is not love. This is abuse. He is dead, now get over it. We need to get rid of his body and clean out the blood from your carpet."

I pick up the bloody bat and start putting it in the bag when suddenly someone is trying to get in while knocking and kicking the door. I quickly stuff the bat inside the bag and hide it in my room, my mind going frantic. I look at my sticky red hands and curse.

I run out of my room to find Johnny sobbing and Dally looking confused.

"What happened Pony?" He looks around knowing something happened.

"I killed his father."

A couple seconds of total silent go by while Dally stares a hole into my head.

"No, really. What happened?" Dally asks but while looking at the bleach on the floor with the scrubs and the bag in my hand and at Johnny sobbing then at my hands.

"Like I said," I sigh and roll my eyes and hand him the bag. "I need help Dally. Not mental help," I laugh out, "You know what I meant, I need to get rid of the body."

Dally sits down and puts his head into his hands. "Our life was just getting perfect, no socs, no knife fights, nothing. Why Pony?"

"Attack the enemy before it attacks you. Defend yourself." I say, these are the things I learned in my life. Of course I say this and feel like I came from some war, but who wouldn't after ambushing your neighbor and striking him down with your weapon.

"He's gone crazy Dally! He doesn't think he will go to prison!"

I roll my eyes and notice Dally from my peripheral view that he's looking at me. Glaring is too nice of a word.

"You should go into hiding Pony." Dally says with morose.

I scoff. "What? Go to the church? Eat bologna for weeks! I don't think so! I did this for a reason! I don't care if I'm caught. This life means nothing to me, don't you understand? I was given a second chance so I could change things drastically so the chances of the same things that happened won't happen again! And if that means I must sacrifice my life, my freedom, my perfect record then so be it because honestly I don't care anymore."

I sit down on the floor, I'm not going to bother cleaning the body, and if the police catch me they catch me.

I'm Not the Man they think I am at Home

Oh no no no, I'm a Rocket Man

Burning out his Fuels out here Alone

(AN: Tell me what you think, I don't have a beta so there are mistakes. Hope this isn't too corny. Thank you.)


	7. Fresh Man

AN: I'm sorry for the late upload, I've been so busy with work and college and I didn't really beta this which I am truly sorry for but my chapter are usually far between and I feel like getting a beta would be lame cause I barely update. BUT I will finish this story somehow.

(Disclaimer: Does not own Outsiders, Verve pipe:Freshman)

Thank you- Cheeky Liar, Rinswan, won't be the Victim, Ladybugs, Lusca, , youtakemybreathaway, starberries bite, goldengreaser for reading and reviewing this story!

For the life of me I cannot remember

What made us think that we were wise

And we'd never compromise

For the life of me I cannot believe

We'd ever die for these sins

I smell something, dinner maybe, smells pretty good. I shake my head trying to wake myself up and I stretch out my stiff body from laying on the ground all night. Dally and I immediately decided to go to the church up in the mountain bringing a still shaking Johnny with us after I murdered Johnny's father. I thought against it but Dally insisted.

"_Dal, he should stay so if someone stops by-"_

"_He can spill his guts to the police? They notice his odd behavior and immediately take him in."_

"_We can have him stay at our house, I don't think he should see his father being cut up and buried."_

_Dally scoffs, "But it's okay to see his father killed by his best friend with a baseball bat?"_

"_This isn't our dimension anymore Dally."_

_Dally puts his hands on my shoulders and squeezes. "Stop it Pony, stop acting like this. I know what happened and what I, we, went through but saying it out loud is weird. This isn't real." He pushes me and I stumble back._

"_You don't even act like Ponyboy anymore." He says staring me down like the old Dal would do. And did I not say we were in a different dimension, I'm not that young child he knew…_

_I walk around him to go back to Johnny who is still inside my house, probably crying._

"_I don't know you anymore either Dally! You used to be tough, but now, I don't know who you are. You act scared and I can't help you anymore than I can help myself. I did the right thing Dally. I'm not taking anymore shit! You don't know what your deaths did to me!" I scream into his face, my fist suddenly hitting the side of his face. "You think I want this!" _

_I feel my body hit the ground and Dally is on top of me, his hands around my throat but applying little pressure, damnit I am still in my fourteen year old body still, not that I could take Dally in my seventeen year old one. _

"_Do it, choke the life out of me Dally."_

"_You want the old Dally back, you want me to be the horrible person I once was. Well I aint gonna do that kid, this is my life, my second chance and I aint gonna fuck it up! Unlike you who is losing your cool!"_

_I smirk as I feel like I'm more cool than ever. Mark and Bryon would have been proud._

After our yelling he helped me up and we all went up to the church bringing the dead guy with us. Johnny never looking at me and didn't really respond to Dally's attempts at comforting him. I wasn't going to feel guilty.

The fire was getting big and hot, the coals bright red and orange so we decide it finally time to dump the body in. I figured it would be a good idea to burn the man to nothing and Dally thought afterward we can dump the ashes in the river. I didn't realize how long it took to cremate a body, or how much ash a body can become, I'm starting to feel that human guilt nagging in my mind as I watch Dally place the body on the red hot embers.

I look over at Johnny then at Dally who jumps back from the fire once he gets the body all the way in.

"Hey kid, did you want to say a prayer or something?" Dally asks taking out a cigarette then tossing Johnny the box.

Johnny continues to stare at the fire and we watch as tears start streaming down his face and he sinks to his knees. I look away thinking maybe we should give Johnnycakes some time alone but I hear as Dally's feet crunch against the ground that he's making his way toward Johnny. I look over and never in all my life have I seen Dally ever hug anyone, it isn't a goofy hug or nothing like that. It's a brother hug.

Johnny sobs into Dally's shoulder, "The church, Dally!"

"What, kid what'cha talkin bout?" He takes a drag of his cigarette and grabs hold of Johnny by the shoulders and looks down at him, "Huh? The church is fine." He looks over at me.

I knew this was a possibility that Johnny would also gain his memories from his past life, the fire may have triggered it. I scoff, 'Gee ya think?' I push my negative thoughts aside and hope to God that this doesn't make Johnnycakes into something awful.

"Pony," Johnny reaches out for me, "Come here Pone."

I walk over , "What is it,"

"This sounds crazy but… I'm relieved my pa is finally gone. He can't hurt me," Johnny chuckles and runs a hand through his hair, "I'm free, he-he can't touch me again!" Johnny jumps up and starts laughing and jumping around the fire."HA! He can't hit me when he's mad over nothing, or when him and my mother are fighting! No more fights!"

Dally stands up smiling, "That's it kid, you are free. No one hurts one of us and gets away with it!"

"Woo!" He screams out, I've never seen him act so loose and carefree, and that guilt quickly leaves and I start jumping and laughing, joining in giving Johnny a hug. "Man, I don't want this to break us apart Johnnycakes," I start to choke back a dry sob.

"Pone," He doesn't say anything but hugs me.

Dally comes over and ruffles our hair, "Come on you guys, we need to stay on our guard still. When do you think people will start noticing your fathers missing?"

Johnny shrugs and takes out his blade, I stare and think of how it killed someone… I killed someone. I can smell the stench of the body, I feel myself gagging and I'm getting paranoid that someone may smell it or see the fire and decide to come investigate.

"I don't know, my father never seemed to have many friends… I don't know if my mom will notice."

"Yeah, but don't forget we left her that note."

It took a while but we did end up cleaning the house, with Johnny's containers of bleach and mine combined we had enough, removing the stains was the easiest part. It was removing the body from the house in a way the neighbors wouldn't notice that was the hard part. Eventually we brought the car in the back of the house and put his plastic bag covered body inside the trunk.

I tried to think of all the crime novels I've read in my past and made Dally, Johnny and I wear plastic bags over our shoes, plastic gloves on our hands, and hats over our heads. By the time we were done it took us three long hours to get the blood off the carpet, the wall, the ceiling, the couch, the small table, the frames, everything. We cleaned things that weren't even dirty.

No one talked, didn't even crack a smile. Shock still coursing through our veins that we were actually cleaning a murder scene, at least, that's why I think they didn't talk.

Then it was Dally's idea that we write a letter to Johnny's mother from the father saying he finally had enough and was leaving. That maybe he will come back. It took a lot of work trying to get his fathers writing down… so eventually we typed it on a type writer just to stay safe. We also took a variety of his fathers clothes and things and stowed it away in the trunk with the body, so the mother will really believe he ran off.

"I remember the church, the socs, everything Pony. I think I understand why you killed my father," Johnny pulls his knees to his chest. "The fear of dying and then the sudden and abrupt sense of acceptance that it was my fate, and wondering if I did somehow manage to survive… I couldn't use my legs." Johnny stands up and smiles. "I feel like this is a sick twisted afterlife. But Dally, what happened to you?"

"Nothin Johnny, nothing. It's over now."

"No, I want to know Dal! That aint fair cause I know Ponyboy knows!"

I don't mention that I had no choice in knowing. I watch as Dally struggles for words, he doesn't want to admit that he killed himself, that he let his emotions get the best of him that night. Committing suicide was the cheap mans way out, and boy did he let himself out. I pick up a long stick and start shoving the dead guys body alittle. Big blistering bubbles already formed long ago and now all that's starting to remain is his innards and deep muscle tissue. Very gruesome, not to mention the smell is getting really bad, I'm wondering if we should put the fire out and get rid of the remains some other way.

Dally sits down and looks away from Johnny, his mouth clenched shut and his hands rasped between his legs. "Were alive Johnnycakes, so let it go."

I grimace.

"What is it?" Johnny mumbles into his hand.

I look at the fire, "Thing is really starting to stench…" Dally takes out another cigarette and passes us the carton.

"Smerss rik bictory to me." Johnny says with the cigarette in his mouth as he tries to light it with his match. I laugh and clap his shoulder then take his lit cigarette to light mine. "Now that you put it that way."

"Still you know what smells better?"

Johnny and I stay quiet, Dally doesn't always pull a Two-bit.

" Cherry!"

I walk over to Dally to pop him one when I suddenly think, "Wait you guys didn't meet in… Heaven? Wait, is there Heaven…. " I startled myself that I never really even thought to ask such a question.

Dally shakes his head, "Can't remember…"

"Me neither," Johnny bites his bottom lip, "It's prolly cause people ain't allowed to know what happens,"

"Yeah, people would go in a widespread panic. I'm afraid to see what Darry would be like. I don't think I'm afraid of death."

Johnny rolls his eyes, "Then what did I die for?"

Dally lets out a laugh and I shrug.

"Well, let's get some sleep, I don't think anyone will find us all the way out here anyway. We'll keep the fire going so the body burns."

As I lay down I think of the gang back home, if they are anything like their other dimension or whatever this is compared to my old brothers then they must be panicking. I should have called them. I regret not leaving them a letter but with everything going on we forgot. Hopefully they don't call the cops. I stand back up.

"Dal, I'm going into town. I gotta call my brothers before they call the police."

H e looks cross between letting me go and making me stay but I didn't give him much choice and I turn and start toward town, the sun slowly working its way down. "You better keep yourself hidden and safe here me kid!" He shouts me a warning.

I smile, and walk toward the setting sun, avoiding prickery bushes and poison Ivey as I make my way, finally finding a path that leads down a rough hill where lights of the town start turning on. My eyes adjust to the darkening sky and I focus more on where I'm putting my feet than the right way into town. But after a couple minutes of walking the path it dwindles into a small soccer and baseball field for a school that borders the forest.

I hop over one of the school fences and start down a road with middle class houses with beautiful lawns and gardens, nice fresh cars that would have the guys drooling. But as I see more of the cars and the houses I become envious that these people have life so lucky. Randy and Cherry have tried to convince me that it's rough all over… but… I stop my thought as I focus on a phone booth in the distance down the street.

I pull my hood over my face and stuff my hands in my pockets and keep in the shadows of the lights, finally I make it to the phone booth and quickly get inside shoving my change in and dialing the house.

After a couple rings a raspy voice answers, "Hello?"

"Uhm, who's this?"

"Ponyboy!" I hear someone sounding like Two-bit coughing in the back, "Is that you? Where are you?" Soda's voice coming out desperate.

"Whats wrong with Two-bit?"

"Oh Two-bits fine, answered the phone while Steve was choking him," Soda laughs, "Now focus!" He snaps, I don't know if he' telling me or, "Where are you Pony? I want to know now and you will tell me."

"Me Johnny and Dally are just taking a spontaneous hiking trip. We didn't really plan it but we got thinking Soda that this world is huge with amazing wilderness and man we wanted to dig into it, ya hear me Soda?"

"What I'm hearin is, is my baby brother is turning into a Hippy, Ponyboy that's what I be hearing. Darry's flipping out you know this don'tcha?"

"Yea Sodapop."

"Now put Dallas on the phone, and where do you find a phone in the wilderness anyhow?"

"Dally ain't here, he's still in the woods, I just came to town,"

"Alone?"

"Yeah, but-"

"Pony, are you kidding me?"

"Soda, stop talking like Darry it ain't becoming." I glare at the ground and take a quick look around as Soda starts spurting off a slew of curses and defensive comebacks, I roll my eyes, "Yeah I know, I'm sorry…" Not really hearing I just start agreeing. "I'll be back later Thursday, yes I know todays Tuesday… and by the way Soda?"

"Yea Pone?"

"If the cops ask we have been gone since last Saturday."

He's silent then suddenly, "WHAT!"

I slam the phone down and laugh alittle bit, sure it didn't help anything but… I couldn't help it. Walking back toward the hills I notice a figure carrying a bookbag and wearing a black hoody, his feet skudding on the ground almost asking someone to find him, I'm not a wimp but I duck behind a car where he cant see me. After committing murder you don't want anyone to know where you are or what you look like.

I swear I've seen the kid before and then it hits me as I notice his profile as he's walking by on the other side of the street, the way his back is hunched over alittle, the skudding, it's M&M. But what he doing in this area? M&M looks over where I am but I duck away just in case, man I miss that kid… it's a shame he got into drugs. Could he possible stop the kid before it's too late? Maybe he already changed history enough that he wouldn't have to.

As soon as the kid is out of sight I go back the way I came, leaving behind me the streetlights to guide me. It takes a while to adjust back into the darkness but I start back up the path again, this time I try not to become too paranoid.

The sounds of the crackling trees and shuffling of the animals in the dark is enough to keep me on my toes but as I keep going up to where I left the guys I feel anxiety course through my veins, where are they? I try to smell the stench but I can't smell anything! I start sprinting up the path and find the clearing where the guys were, I see the church in the distance so I know this is where they were, but no sign is evident of them ever being there.

"Guys?" I whisper out, my voice shaking. I swallow and try again, "Dally!" I start darting around like a madman, no warming embers, no stench, no reply.

A shuffle has me turned around.

"Pony."

"M&M? What, uh, what are you doing here?" I ask nervously, my lips dry and my eyes watering alittle, I haven't felt this freaked out in a while.

"The real question is, what are you doing here?"

The quietness of his voice and the serene way he was speaking it wasn't like the kid, or was it? Who exactly was M&M before he became the lost soul he was?

"What's that supposed to mean? What are you doing here M?" I reach out to grab his collar but he's already heading down the hill, there must have been a time lapse because I should have grabbed him.

Suddenly, quite suddenly, like the world fell around me, I catch embers sparks and the stench of dead body hits me like a ton of bricks. Maybe I was standing there for a while or something but there Dally and Johnnycakes were, talking in whispers and they look up and wave.

I give a weak wave back and start walking over to them on shaking legs.

What did M&M mean? Is this a warning? I want to break down and cry, become fourteen and believe in something. I want to be with my brothers and admire sunsets and go to movies and have a crush on Cherry. I didn't want to be this teenager with dead friends, a drug habit, a lost interest in books and new friends who didn't really understand what he used to be.

He sits beside Dally and Johnny staring into the fires that he could have sworn a minute ago weren't there and wonder if this what purgatory feels like.

"What did Darry say?"

"Huh?" I look at Dally and he hands him a cigarette.

"Darry give you shit?"

"Oh, I didn't speak to him, I spoke to Sodapop. He thinks were turning into hippies." I smile at that, he was close to turning into that stuff but then he was thrown into the past.

"Hippies? Man, Soda better still not be believin that when we get back! I ain't no hippy." Dally curses before laughing, "What do I care? So what if I'm a hippy?"

"Gee Dal, talk about a turn around." Johnny rolls his eyes and laughs as well, "You'd make a good hippy though Dal, really!"

"Why you little!" Dally gets Johnny into a headlock and give him a noogy.

"Alright Dal, let off," Johnny laughs and he's kicking his feet struggling out of the hold.

Dally smiles and rubs his nose, "We gotta get you into Karate , kid."

"That's a good idea." I say, "You'd do great and you need to learn to fight without a knife."

"Hey speak for yourself Pony!" He smirks then rubs his tuff hair, "Yeah? You think so, huh? Karate… maybe when we get back I'll try and find an instructor."

"Kay guys, I'm beat," Dally says laying down on the ground and turning away from the fire, "Night."

"Wait, shouldn't one of us stay awake or take turns?"

"Pony that's a great idea," Johnny says laying down and pulls his jacket closer to himself closing his eyes.

I roll my eyes at my friends who are already on their way out.

It's not that big of a deal anyway, I'm too anxious and afraid to sleep anyway, what if he woke up and everything was gone again? What if this is all a dream?

We were merely Freshman

(Note: Thanks for reading, and review review review because I love you! Hehee, its horrible I have 35 pages of history to read and a research paper to do! )


	8. It's now or Never

(A.N: Thank you so much XxSlimShadyxX, and for reviewing! And thank you everyone reading this chapter! Got to love Elvis!)

Just like a willow,  
we would cry an ocean  
If we lost true love  
and sweet devotion

It had been a week since we disposed of the fathers body and so far the police hadn't come to our house or Johnny's, which is pretty dandy if I do say so myself. I haven't told Soda about what happened; in fact we thought it best if my brothers and Steve didn't know about what happened.

After a week of not showering we kinda started getting fed up of the wild life so we decided to go back to the house.

Needless to say, as always Darry had a conniption fit and grounded me, punched Dally in the face and gave a stern look at Johnnycakes. I mean what else can one of us do to Johnny? He's just one of those kids, like M&M.

I let out a sigh, wondering why I keep making the same comparison. I go into the bathroom and gawk at my face, I mean I looked pretty crummy but I haven't really gotten a good look at my face since I killed that god awful excuse of life.

"Hey kid, you alright?" Two-bit walks into the bathroom and puts an arm over my shoulder.

I look over, "I'm swell Two-bit, whats up?"

"Now that's not a way to talk to me." He frowns and punches my arm lightly, "I'm just askin ya how your doin…"

I laugh and punch him back, "Oh stop Two-bit you'll make me feel guilty for making you cry!" I leave him in the bathroom but he tackles me into the couch,

"Agh, Two-bit!" He laughs as he takes my face and pushes it in the cushion suffocating me, this is what I should have done to kill that son of a bitch it wouldn't have been so messy.

"That's what he did to me." Steve says blandly sitting down in Darry's chair.

"Hemmlllp," I let out trying to say 'help' but you know saying things doesn't work out well when somethings blocking your mouth. I wish I was older as I continue to struggle and breath through the cushion. Two-bit lets up and pushes me off the couch.

"Godamnit Two-bit ya tryin to kill me? What the hell!"

"Pony! Now what have I told you about that language of yours? You want to go to a home? All these people have to do is hear that mouth of yours and they'll find me as an unfit guardian!" Darry hollers with bags in his hands.

Darry is of course a massive guy, muscles all over from years of football and then building roofs. His eyes pierce mine and I cannot help but look away this time. I do feel bad because over the years all I remember is him yelling at me and while getting high years later I feel as though it haunted me, that everything happened to Johnny and Dally because we didn't get along and we always fought. It wasn't fair and so now facing, or not facing him, I feel like I owe him something.

"I'm sorry Darry I won't swear again."

"Oh that's BULLSHIT," Steve laughs out while holding his stomach, Two-bit joins in immediately.

" 'Oh Darry I won't ever swear again,'" Two-bit mocks me using a high pitched girl voice.

I punch Two-bit in the leg from my spot on the floor. "I don't sound like that shit-bit!"

"Look at the kid, we should have placed a bet! Stupid didn't even last a minute!" Steve laughs and kicks me.

I frown and look over at Darry who is shaking his head looking down, not at me, but his worn out shoes. He then walks into the kitchen and I hear him putting the groceries into the cupboards. Once again I let him down, but it's hard not to swear, I mean what the hell? If child services takes me away for talking trash then I lost faith in mankind… oh wait…

Dally, Johnny and Soda come walking in.

Something's wrong by the look of their faces only Dally and Johnny look more suspicious than Soda.

"You guys, there's police at Johnny's house, apparently his dad ran away or left. It's pretty big, well, not really. She's just yelling a storm at the officer."

I stand up quickly which gets a look from everyone as I look out through the blinds, there's a police car with its lights on and there is Johnny's mom crying and yelling at the police officer whose trying to calm the crazy woman down.

"He should have left a long time ago, sorry to say Johnny." Steve says while picking at the chair.

Two-bit scoffs and takes off his shoes, we all grimace. "I agree, maybe your mom will treat you better now that she doesn't have to deal with your dad."

Johnny's white as a ghost and all he does is nod, I don't know what to say. I look at Dally and he looks like he's ready to run for it.

"Sooo...Uh." I try and think and then I stand up, "Hey, I know, how bout we celebrate Johnny?"

Soda sighs, "It's not really something to celebrate Pony…" He runs a hand through his hair, his frown and his pale face makes my heart ache, I don't know why he is suddenly pessimistic but Soda being depressed is never a good thing and usually it my fault.

"What do you mean? We should all go out and celebrate his father leaving, I mean why not? He was horrible to Johnny and we need a break,"

Darry comes out of the kitchen holding a pan, "What Pony? A week of camping isn't good enough for you? I told you already you are grounded until I say so." He walks into the kitchen, "Dinners ready." He calls out and we all file inside and take a seat at the table.

Burgers, rice and potatoes. I didn't even notice the smell, which should have smelled like beautiful juicy meat grilled to perfection, my favorite rice pilaf that's not too bland and not too crazy with herbs and amazing hand mashed potatoes with big chunks still inside, just the way I love it. But I didn't smell any of that, in fact I can't taste it either and my nose isn't stuffy and I'm not sick.

I look around and watch everyones joyful expressions.

"This is amazing Dar, thanks a lot."

"Thanks Soda, and you guys can also say thanks by cleaning the dishes." He smirks before taking a bite out of his cheeseburger, ketchup and meat juice dripping down his chin before he wipes it with a napkin.

"Ya man, this stuff reminds me of this burger joint, maybe you should think about working in a restaurant or something," Dally says on his second burger. Johnny nodding next to him, stuffing potato in his face.

"May have a point," Steve says but says no more, Two bit sitting next to him tries to take a spoonful of Steves mashed potatoe while he takes a swig of beer and succeeds.

"Thanks guys,"

I take another bite and still nothing , all I get is tough textures and it doesn't do anything for my stomach. "Wow Darry, this is really delicious thanks a bunch!" I say trying to do the best I can to make it sound believable.

Which is harder than it sounds when your almost in shock and don't have the strength to go into a panic attack. I mean, is it really that important that I can't taste the wonderful dinner in front of me?

YES!

Tears start streaming down my face and before I know it I have Darry and Soda asking me what's wrong.

"It's just really good!" I sniff and continue to chew what's in my mouth.

Two-bit, Steve, no one says anything and everyone continues to eat in silence while Soda keeps his one hand rubbing my back while he eats with his other continuously throwing me looks as I regain my composure.

Steve and Two-bit went home while Johnny crashes on the couch and Dally leaves to take care of something I know nothing about. I mean this time or future time, Dally is Dally, and when he needs his space you give it to him or he will bite. Besides I need time away from everyone too. Tonight I will try and sneak out, depending on Soda and how long he stays up. Usually Darry is already out by nine o'clock seeing as how he gets up at six in the morning.

"Hey Pony," Soda comes walking in with a towel wrapped around his waist. He doesn't say anything but I know he wants to, still he is pale and I'm almost afraid to ask but I can't help it.

I take a breath and wait until he is done changing and ready to slide into bed, "Hey Soda?"

"Yea?"

"What's wrong?"

He pauses and stiffens, he pulls out of bed and sits on the edge wringing his hands together, "She broke up with me yesterday,"

"What? Sandy? How come? Why?" This wasn't what I expected.

He shakes his head, "I don't know. I just haven't had time and I guess I'm not her type." He shrugs but I see his hurt and it seems like he's worse off than the last time, but why would that be?

Soda puts his hand through his hair and starts to sob, I feel as though it's my fault. Maybe he didn't spend enough time with Sandy because he was too busy worrying where I was. I put my hand on his shoulder like he was doing for me not three hours ago while trying to whisper soft encouraging words like, "You'll get through it, you'll see." "You don't need her, you need someone better." "She was planning on moving wasn't she?"

"I wish mom was here," His voice cracks and I feel a stab of pain rip through me.

I nod, "M-me too."

"Mom would have told us about how to treat girls and what to do, maybe I wouldn't have broken up with her, ya know?"

"Why do you think Sandy left?"

He cringes , "Please don't use her name," He clears his throat and lies down on the bed and puts his face into the pillow. "I don't wanna talk Pone."

I nod in understanding and get up, with his condition I can leave the house without him knowing. I quickly change my pants ruffling through them looking for the pills. Damn it, I can't find them. I put on my other pants and leave quietly, Johnny must have been asleep because he didn't say anything as I walked outside shutting the door behind me.

The fresh air must have been what I needed because I get this bounce in my step, Soda was fine in the past. Future. I can't stop thinking that the future is the past because that's what it feels like now. Soda has to be fine, he always is… I'll just help him more or something. I run a hand through my hair and as I reach Mark and Bryon's house.

I quietly sneak around the house and get to Marks window and lightly tap on it. I have to do this several times before Bryon finally looks out. He looks alarmed and I wonder why but then I remember he hasn't met me yet.

He walks out with a pocketknife in his hand, "Who are you?"

"I'm a friend of Mark, we met at a party a while ago." He looks skeptical, "So, is he home?"

"He's sleeping." He looks me over and puts his pocket knife away, I feel alittle insulted but whatever.

I sigh, "Well, can you wake him up or something?"

"Why?" I frown and glare.

"Why'dyou think? Just wake him up man!"

"Not until,"

"Horseman!" Mark interrupts,walking over with a lazy smile on his face then looks over at Bryon, "What are ya my secretary? Jesus Bryon chill this kids cool, we met at a party or something, so whats going on Horse?"

I decide not to correct him because honestly I like Horse than Pony.

"Oh," I look at Bryon and Mark gets the hint.

"Bryon, you gonna lighten up and hang with us or are ya gonna glare at Horse all night?"

"What kinda name is horse?" He growls out then shrugs, "Fine I'll be back out in a minute I gotta get out of this shirt." He walks back inside.

Using this time I ask, "Hey you got,"

"Here," Good, didn't need to ask or anything this guys a lifesavior, I shove the money in his hand and take the bag and shove that in my pocket.

"How'd you like the last ones," I scratch the back of my head,

"Actually man, I lost'em." He nods in understanding.

"Yeah, that's always a killer. Happened to me just last week… I haven't seen you around where you been?"

"Oh, camping, chilling out the whole works ya know?"

He has a big grin and nods. He must be on something right now because he was calm as anything. And Bryon is acting weird, was he like this when he was younger or what?

Bryon walks back out and starts walking down the street, Mark looks at me and I see his glossy eyes and his lazy smile. He shrugs and follows his brother, they aren't brothers but they seem like it. We continue to follow Bryon until we are at a house which looks a lot like Cathy's which is hard to tell in the dark.

M&M walks out of the house and my heart feels like its stopping.

For who knows when  
we'll meet again this way

(A.N: Remember to click that cute button and review, I eat reviews like I eat baby giraffes nom nom nom! Once again I have a huge essay to write. I really like this Elvis song, Now or never, I really feel like this is what Soda would listen too while he's in this rut.)


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